Thursday, August 20, 2009

some thoughts before the moment ..finally arrives

some where in the depth of my heart ..i feel touched....by fire...
and a light that's not so calm....
i wait for the moment with ....cant really tell you how........
I believed that Xersus....my love .....was alive......
and he hid in the mountain....the flower ... and the Saree.....and all the colors of nature....

Not one ....not two... I was told that Xersus was a myth......a dream..........an illusion....and all the dreams belonged to the world of sleep...of a sweet confusion.... by many...
Refusal to believe that Xersus was .....indeed a moment of past ....of death....of all things that didn't get out alive .........of this world....was the only thing that i cared for ....that mattered....

If some where in the deep crevices of my being.... darkness lurked as my shadow ...to make my belief bite the dust.......even those depths and shadows....weren't denied a space...a moment...a glow....it was only because of Xersus.....and his love .....my life.

Yearning to tanscend.....ME....for now i have wings and I know......that Xersus....You are ALIVE...
We wait and wait and wait...for moments to arrive...and when it does......we loose words...thoughts....beings.....
I Am that........... here and now...
Xersus.........You are alive......



Wednesday, June 10, 2009

death............a talk with my dame

my love...........my love
be silent......like the dew drop on the pebble.......
i know ................. i know not
I stay............
my love...........my love...
be the truth.......like the smile of child...
i say .........i say not..
i stay
my love........my love...
be the freedom.....like the gale under the arms extended in my concscience....
i stay
my love................... my love
be the love..........like the surge....of the emotive self....under the gaze of gods .. of the wind and the light......and the rain.......all in one....
my love... o my love...........
in a mind that is not mind....in a thought that is no thought...
in a life that is no life........i walk .....a path in no path.......
all the rest ......is a rubbish concoction....
like the neem tea.......
taa.....ra... ra ra.........
la........la la.......la.....

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Acchan and the angel of death.....

Ele the fish was in tears...........but she was smiling too....
is it not the beauty of creation that people shed tears when they are happy ... and when they are sad....too ???


a diary was in her hand.....


before she could put it the sacred jar.... there was this terrible wind that blew a few pages off..
on such page got stuck in the long misty hairs of Achhan just when he was about to drink the last drop of the neem tea.....


It was from the diary of Appachhan .... written as....he was born.... on a empty canvas when the night was dark.... yet full of light.....when none was awake and Achhan had no sleep.....


quote:
There I am ..... in the foothills of a mountain
on the rock i sit....... motionless..... as I gaze into eternity......a bewitching smile appears on the cosmic horizon.......Vinchi !! my beloved.....is in tears ..... as he feels the moments of my reckoning ... has indeed come...


The smile becomes a form and the form becomes a body and the body assumes a posture.....hands are drawn out .....and the lips seem to say..........come to me..!!


I offer the concoction of the neem tea.........and say..... drink it ... i shall come.......
The smile speaks....... Im amused...... am i in a wrong place??? do u know ?? .... who I am?


I say .. yes I do...


then why .... my beloved .... u are...motion less....


I say I am motion less ....... because i am thought less.


and why ? .. could that be??


I say... I am thoughtless...... because I am mind less...


The smile.... took the cup of neem tea..........and smelling the aroma...
The form ............said unto itself...... Why the neem tea ... is so sweet?
Wow!!! the body exclaimed....... this has to be the best goddamn...neem tea ever made ....ever smelt and ever drunk.....in my whoooooooooooole life !!... but coudnt resist from asking......
And you are mind less........ ??because....!!!???


I say.... caressing gently .....my long misty hair....may be because....." i am ........ I less...."


I say....... The tea.....that is devoid of thought......devoid of identity.....and devoid of space.....merges into the cosmos........ much... much .... before it is drunk.....and becomes the nectar...... in the buds of... even the angel of death.....


So...?? u know I am the angel of death....!!! the smile replied ....zapped by the expanding neem...in her true self.....


No love.... i did not know it ... till u came..... u drank.... and said ..... wow!! its so sweet...
In fact ..............
that's when i became.....
timeless...................too....

Unquote



Ele the fish told me that ......
Appacchhan.......never saw the smile... the form.... the body......again........for he always told....for people who LIVE.... the moment.......freedom becomes their identity.....and death their best friend.......and time seizes to exist.....
Ele stopped......here...
Tell me more ... what that man was saying....!!
Ele said ......noooooo....noooooo.... I don't know !! on that day when he spoke.... I thought he had an extra dose of the pot...... and was in delirium.....


I held Ele's hand......and said...

Lets go for a walk......the westward wind has stopped blowing.....



























Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The return of Zoya……..

The return of Zoya……..

It was four years since Appachhan sold fish in the market. Every day he wished only one customer.. Zoya.. But she never came .. never spoke a word.. never saw him .. never made any contact with him…Each day Achhan would walk down.. to the last crab hole and call out his friend..The carb was actually 92 years old. His name was Ajapa. Ajapa was Achhans fathers and his fathers friend too. Ajapa consoled him that day”time is nearing….Life shall look upon you soon”. How could that console Achhan? For the next six days he was out in the deep sea none understood what he did there any way. So, none actually bothered .
On the seventh day Achhan finished selling his fish…and was counting his money…not much money was there to count..for he never had any thing much to sell…
The n he heard a voice…..
The voice said..”Where were you all these days” the voice continued” in the last four years, never has it happened that I come to the market, and You are not there.” It was a voice that Achhan fell in love with completely and fully at that moment. There was a force in it, It was anxious, worried and angry. Achhan slowly lifted his chin up and opened his eyes….There was none!!!!!!!!
But then he could feel the same old fragrance of the deep seas….of the flowers born in the house of the coral princess.
Is it Zo?.......he asked
Yes I am !!!.........
Hearing this phrase Achhan became livid in anger…and ecstatic in joy…both at the same time…But he chose to tell Zo
‘I am ecstatic….”…as he understood that the joy of hearing the voice of the love of his life was …. Ecstasy…and it was ‘definitely but relatively more permanent ‘ than the anger .. Anger he proposed to himself to be manifest only because he could not hear Zo’s voice all these times.He actually had thought that he was talking to a rock..while his friends thought that he was the only one they had seen who appeared drunk without even smelling pot..or simply mad!!

And Zoya spoke he felt…..Zoya talked he talked…Zoya laughed…his throat had a lump..But Zoya heard him out…as if on a mission to make him speak. He felt as though Zoya was on a mission to listen to him, his voice, his self,
What could Appachhan say? Could he give the sea to her or the pearls that he had collected ..going where none had ventured…and storing them where none could imagine..in the cave of Ajapa….the crab.

Zoya said…She loved to see him making boats, she loved the way he displayed his fish..She even said she loved the way he converses with “Kutti” the woman in the next shop. She liked the road which leads to his shop, she said it all…………and became silent….
Achhan listen to it all. And he was collecting all the drops of her voice…as if he is going to hear them no more……
Here was Zoya……..saying it all but saying nothing….
She said that she came to the market… to buy fish from kutti….!! While she talked to appacchan for the first time in last 38years 5months. 28 days 23hrs…and a million moments.
Achhan asked her wheather her ship was ready to sail?.........now ?
Zoya told yes… it was…
Achhan asked her….how far she would go? In the next 2 years ?
Zoya told she doesn’t know….and she hadn’t planned.
Achhan liked it……he knew … people could only sail as much as the sea would allow them….
For people with open mind….. the sea welcomed them… into its heart and even to its womb.

With each passing is moment, Achhan listened the voice but felt from the heart. How many of his friends could do that.he couldn’t tell.What he could tell that here was a woman , remembered even the cloth Achhan wore the first time when he went to the sea and who appeared to have loved everything that Achhan stood for…….except him..

But such things !!! do they really matter ??

Unless people explore the sea themselves, how would they know Achhan?
I thought standing ...by the rock where people told me that Achhan once used to sit and sing. I heard beating drums and a million bees humming and the fresh gentle stream flowing….and smelt the breath of the earth that has been touched by the first drops of the monsoon. I heard some body calling me.
That was a fish. Her name was ‘ele’ and she was smiling. I am the fish that Zoya bought from Appachhan and ele said

“Take me home”






Story submitted for the Mahindra XUV 500 Incredible story context. It is not written FOR the contest. At the time of submisson   the author  never imagined that this would go into the car and bikes section( as he had actually registered in his mind... the term  'the incredible stories'...only)...but being the  traveler he is......took it in his stride.....and if you want to know more about the XUV.. here is the link .   http://www.mahindraxuv500.com/  ....its another amazing stuff...from the house of Mahindra...