If I were a girl.........freedom and trauma.

Some times I wonder.....
why I need people .........why I need to speak......and why I ever write .......
I know ....that I connect..........but faster .....I  disconnect.....
Is.. to know .. good enough? 
The world is unfair...
It thrives  on.. my ignorance ...
The choice I make ... is to let it be ...


Which is more traumatic...............my love........to be separated from you ? 
or to have fallen in love with u?.........
I wish I was a statue...........just listening to what one says.........
and not saying any thing.......and when i say
.............it would be a miracle....!!!!.....


Which is more traumatic?..........
my beloved petal  , an orchid in bloom ....the smile of a child .....
To become old......?.... or 
to become ..........younger by heart.......?.
for with  one   life winds around your  neck and stifles you  to rigor........and ....
the other liberates you  with .........oxygen...enough to make the same life.
I am a lesser.......mortal.


Which is more traumatic ..........To loose my innocence  ..........
a mortal frame....of flesh and bones .......and desires
 ........or to regain it ....in its entirety .....
..a life......a love......a desire......or........
........the freedom ....
I am a bird  in  my heart......
in moments of solitude.......... 
When i think.....
only
of you.........


My Maula.......if we ever meet........I promise you 
 that ill never look at you .......
never exhale the breath that says ....I know you ......
never let you  know that ill shed ....
that..... one tiny drop of tear......
You will probably smell the aroma of the tea leaves......
and look around.....at all the shops ......


and may be 


just when you're busy 
Passing off.........words of heart.......written from holding ones breath....
unconscious of the hearts beat.......
or of the world ....as ....a work of art..
I will say 

I don't know many things .........one of them is my freedom 
........and another is my trauma.
Some times freedom is traumatic and trauma makes you  free............

or 


I ll  simply become........
a wave .......a petal........a child.........
and few grains of damp ....earth .

Maula...............when u get angry( if i were a girl)

Maula.................anger....your anger...is
in my eyes.....and...... burns my self....
and ur silence is worse..........i just loose my ...self.......in it..


how would it be .......if i hug u ...just when ....u are mad ....
i would come near when u push me.....just .......that far....
I would hold u ............sooooo .....near to my moist heart ......that..u just feel wet
in ur eyes..and i know .......u wont like like it .....


would it be not nice ....if i rip ur shirt off.......and bite ur lips....... soft
u feel.......soft as a leaf.. that has a free fall.........gentle as a whirl wind....
in ur heart that's like molten earth..........the kiss.......leaves a tatoo.....


do u know when u are angry........u're actually acting ....showing off....and look like a great panda from China..........who is about to deliver......twins!! and......like a gorgeous.....hippo about to let out a yawn...........and .....some thing is stuck at its throat !!
its a make believe .......as some say...that shoots of bamboo.......are disappearing ....getting extinct from the face of earth..................and all that crap....


No... don't close ur eyes.......open them .....my... charmer...... of the snake in me....
look at me, look into my eyes .....and feel my breath.........and breath it ....
You breathe me ............and me alone ......


But i like ur anger....its like .....rock and roll.......
...........and u mistake that u are the rock and i am the roll
have u ever wondered .that its could be...
the other way around....


yes ........u......do and
no u dont....


Maula........oh....maula.......


if i were to be asked in a live interveiw, what do i love about u,
I would turn around the chair and resting my arms on the backrest....
I would ask
"to begin with?"......and then say
................................."every thing "

Maula...............lets make tea ( if i were a girl)

Mere maula....Now
U have to speak....... your words.......
U have to tell about your life ......... in your own way


When I ask u.............I mean u.......your thoughts your feelings .......
but then what can represent the sea better?........... when I asked the sea......
The sea .......pointed its fingers at you and ........disappeared.


But then I am in a way relieved..........


Some where ....... Sometime .......... I ll meet you .
I will carry leaves of tea.............and you ........water..
Let there be fire...........let there be celebration
and then let us hold hands........and walk a few steps on the sands of time .........till
the night ends
till the sun ........... comes over the horizon ........and stretches its limbs.....


I see u ........when u sleep........ like a child .... in my arms......and i too shall close my eyes .......no i dont want ....even to wink my eye lid....and I will feel u.......to the core ....touching ur soul ..and making it alive....and fresh and earthy.


and in the morning ......we shall drink the tea.......made sweet by the rays of moon and .....cold by the separation about to come.....


but ...... who drinks such tea........ has no death ...... no rebirth....and........no...... there IS no seperation....


Mere Maula............ don't u know what lies in my heart?......don't u realize the harm of your silence.
Speak to me..........your words........
Tell me about ...........me....and about you....
then
I too will tell u..........and pour
All my anguish........all my love .......all my passion......and I will melt u....then and there.....and freeze the time ......so the moon remains the moon ....... and the sand ...remains the sand.....and the waves remain there .... watching us..in embrace..


with arms wide open.........

oh ........OBAMA !!!

INDIA.......wake up and elect my first dalit prime minister.

ITS TIME.............

INDIA.............grow up....from denial........to acceptance...
INDIA...........move .......from....exclusion to inclusion.....