Sunday, April 08, 2012

Play





pebble says to self
friend ,shall we play ? the stream watched
in joy and  flew home







written for haiku heights
April challenge 
prompt: play
  

43 comments:

  1. aaww...cute and beautifull. :) loved it...

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    1. hey SJ....:)thnx..hmmm how would you say it... thanks to thee !!

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    2. read it again J. RS was right.I shall thank thee twice

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  2. Well thought out but with the problem of syllables again..sorry ..but I suggest try to make them into two..if you want to create Haiku..

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    1. not ? 5-7-5 rechecked it i feel its fine .

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    2. no it wasnt. thanks RS...

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  3. This is very sweet. Thank you.

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    1. Elecee... sweet of you dropping by

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    2. Elecee readit again please

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  4. Very nice...if I may suggest the last line to:

    in joy, rising free or up

    Happy day to you ~

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    1. Life doesnt actually bother for children playing .....does it? its the negation of life that is mundane. pebble is a child.

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  5. You tried well. As Ramesh said: 'try to count the syllables', I write my haiku in the so called kanshicho-style. That style was used by Matsuo Basho (a haiku-master) between 1683 and 1685. In that style the syllables count wasn't a strict rule. Basho called it "in the way of the Chinese verse.Haiku isn't easy to write. It looks so easy, but isn't. In this haiku challenge you can learn how to write haiku (or senryu). Keep on going ... haiku writing is such a nice way to give feelings words. You did well on this prompt. Thank you for sharing.

    Namaste

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    1. It helps me if you comment on the imagery/ emotions/ content than style and structure. if one were to capture the entire essence of his / her life in 11-17 syllables its not going to be easy. Knowledge is not so precise some times. i love your compassion to me

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    2. more than knowledge ...the poets connectedness to the moment in present appears to be more significant. would like more discussion on this

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  6. very expressive and left with great visual ~ there are many styles of haiku ~ read Higginson's book The Haiku Handbok ~ not just one way to write a haiku ~ thanks, namate, ^_^

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    1. Thanks dear...i have been preventing myself to read about haiku especially styles , and structure for it prevents free flow. but ill keep it in mind...

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    2. had a look at the book you suggested. it is beautiful. im touched by this gesture of yours .

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  7. delightful and playful. nicely done.

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    1. it helps if you could elaborate on what delighted you ...may be my own undertanding of the words from no where can emerge better

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    2. The pebble talking and the stream watching in joy and then running away created a delightful image - tickled my fancy.

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    3. thats very positive suzy... i was brooding actually.. your comment lifts me up...hmm not exactly lifts me up .. but a little more than that

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  8. Replies
    1. dont really know what you mean by this .. but i ll take it as a compliment. :)

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  9. Great write, debu! Nicely done in just that many words.

    Hank

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  10. reminds me of my childhood days.when all I wud want to do is play:) very nice..

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  11. wow! so light and so beautifully put. Loved it.

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    1. Kajal......thanks. the wow appears to be for real ...will keep it:)

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  12. i love your imagery and your take on the prompt...kindly count the syllables of the last line..

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    1. Jeanette... have modified it... surprisingly the word makes more sense to me now.. thanks !!

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  13. yes jeannette..... away....is 2. :(

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  14. If I were the pebble and the stream flew home, I would feel so alone!

    The Christ Child at Play

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    1. Stream = life, Home = father, pebble= the son who calls me to play.

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  15. At the risk of annoying a whole bunch of people, I'm going to say: 17 syllables do not necessarily a haiku make! It's the heart, not the syllable count, that matters.

    Now, what do YOU think? :)

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    1. MMT. although tradition says to count the syllables, is it not Basho ?who said learn the rules , but break them :) . syllable count is important only of one is Creating a haiku. but for the one which emerges from the innermost recesses of the heart there isnt any .

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    2. MMT. although tradition says to count the syllables, is it not Basho ?who said learn the rules , but break them :) . syllable count is important only if one is Creating a haiku. but for the one which emerges from the innermost recesses of the heart there isnt any. The syllables are so few inside...its amazing... 11 is a luxury...at 17 you are spoilt. :)

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